Category: Being silly

My Self portrait

Eyes

Mom has been wanting us to take some self portraits for art this year. When I take pictures I like to do things differently, which means things don’t turn out the way I expect most of the time, so I need to practice so I can figure it out. But when I do get it right it looks really neat. This is one of the few that worked in my playing today.

Upside Down Tea

UpsidedownteaLong

Once upon a time a young lord went foxhunting. His name was Bob (I think). As he was riding though the woods (a little lost, I must admit) he ran into a stick that flipped him off his horse (poor guy). When he came to he was tied up in what seemed to be a smuggler’s cave (and for a very good reason). He heard footsteaps behind him and he turned, there stood a person who seemed to be a smuggler boss (And for a very good reason).
“Do you know where you were?”
“Perhaps.” (Bob had in fact, forgotten about the foxhunt.)
“Foxhunting?”
Bob looked down at his clothes.
“Perhaps.”
“You don’t remember?”
“Perhaps.”
“Do you say anything other then ‘perhaps’?”
Bob’s eyes twinkled, though the rest of his expression never changed.
“Perhaps.”

The Smuggler turned on his heel and walked out yelling something to his gang (“Not the biggest” he had always said, “but too many people and word will get out.”)

“Alright Kala and Kaylor, you two brought him here, you guard him!”

“I thought we were going to help pick the goods up tonight.” A feminine voice whined.

“Not anymore.”

The clicking of heels came down the tunnel and two nearly identical young ladies appeared (They were identical twins, but haircuts and scars provided simple ways to identify them).

“Hello Ladies.” Bob said and attempted a slight bow (Something that is hard to do tied up).

Kala (or Kaylor, he was not sure at the moment) kicked him.

“Shutup you idiot.”

“Yah, you ruined our plans.”

“I am sorry about any incon–” He was awarded with another kick.

“Shutup.”

The rest of the cave went silent, the smugglers seemed to have left (and for a very good reason). The two ladies pulled out some cards and began playing.

“It seems to be nearly tea time?” Bob asked.

Kala looked at her watch. “It does.”

When they made no move to get any Bob asked for some.

“Shutup.”

“I don’t function properly without my Tea.”

“Congratulations.”

“But–”

“Shutup.”

Bob continued bugging them until they finally gave in on one condition. “We get to tie you up the way we want to.”

“Deal.”

Kala went to get the tea stuff (Buried under all sorts of smuggled goods) while Kaylor wrapped rope around his feet. When the water was on to boil Kala came and looped the end of the rope to a hook on the ceiling, then together they pulled it so his feet were next to it.

The teapot whistled. “The water is hot, put the leaves in would you?”

Kaylor chuckled, “Think you can drink like that?”

Bob nodded and watched eagerly as the tea steeped. Kala grinned as she poured the tea into a cup, “Milk and sugar?”

“Yes, two lumps please.”

Kala handed the cup to Bob who sipped it and smiled (although to draw it it looked more like a frown), “Perfect.”

Kala and Kaylor looked at each other, surprised.

The pot was half way finished when the door shattered and policemen poured in, capturing the Smugglers (Surprise, surprise).

At the station they asked Bob about his experience. “They make good tea,” was all he said. (He really liked tea.)

The Backpacking Princess

While we were on our backpacking trip, Megan having a hard time keeping up. So I told her, if she could keep up with me, I would tell her a story. I started it, and for the rest of the trip we made up more of it. Unfortunately, we can’t remember the whole story, but here is what we do remember.

The Backpacking Princess

Backpacking princess

One upon a time a little princess was born. Her mommy and daddy named her the wrong thing! They named her Louretta. One day her fairy Godmother came over and said, “What’s with her name? She should have been named The Backpacking Princess.”

One day when she was about five, her carriage broke down on her way to her grandparent’s house. She needed to get out and walk for two miles in the woods to get help from Little Red Riding Hood. She found she enjoyed hiking so much that she wanted to do it all the time. And so her mommy and daddy took her backpacking lots. Everyone remembered what her fairy Godmother had said and soon no one called her “Louretta” anymore.

Then she was sixteen she went backpacking by herself one day and came across a huge, mean Dragon. It said, “Yummy a Princess! She can cook her backpacking meals for me and when they are gone, I can eat her!”

So he took her to his cave and made her cook all her food, the rice breakfasts, the jerky lunches, the yummy dehydrated chili dinners and even the Upside Down cake. She was not very happy with him. When she ran out of food the dragon giggled and flew off to get wood for a princess roast fire.

The backpacking princess cried because she wanted to see her mommy and daddy again. Then she made plans. It was winter and there were lots of big icicles in the mouth of the cave. She tiptoed to one and broke it off. She waited for the dragon.

He came and she sprang, stabbing him in the chest. The ice melted and the dragon fell dead and so the Backpacking princess got back home.

One day, years later, she was hiking in the mountains and a great big, ugly, ogre grabbed her.  “Ho ho ho!” He said. “A princess! She will make a nice dessert.” (Roast princess is a delicacy among monsters) He took her to a cave and locked her in a cage. He started a fire and got ready to roast her.

Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, Prince Forest Ranger was walking when he smelled smoke. Now because it was so dry there he decided to check it out. He found it coming from a cave in the side of a mountain. He walked in to tell the camper to put it out but it was an ogre who would not.

“Put it out or I will.”

The ogre hit him over the head with a huge branch. But the prince was wearing a hat made for just that occasion. “It’s not nice to hit people on the head.”

The Ogre hit him again so the prince kicked him in the shins. “Stop that!”

The ogre fell into a trapdoor in his cave and fell down the mountain.  Prince Forest Ranger ran over to the cage The Backpacking Princess was in and asked if she was ok.

“Yes. Can you get me out?”

The prince attempted to unlock it with his knife but it did not work. “I already tried, it looks easier on TV.”

“I am going to get my brother, He is a locksmith.”

“Is he really? What’s his name?”

“Shh.” The Prince ordered as he walked to the end of the cave with his radio. “This is Prince Forest Ranger, I need my brother, Prince Locksmith. I am halfway up Beech Mount, in a cave. A ogre has a princess locked in a cage.”

“Rodger, Rodger will bring him in helicopter.”

“Thank you.”

The two sat and talked as the waited and found they had a lot in common. The helicopter landed and the princess was freed. The backpacking Princess and Prince Forest Ranger got married and lived happily ever after, right?

No, not quite, you see while they were hiking during their honeymoon, the prince heard a snarl in the rocks in front of them. The Princess screamed and the prince felt claws digging into his back. He spun and fell, looking up into the hard green eyes of a giant mountain lion. He struggled but could not escape. He heard a clanging. And a scream.

“Get off of my husband!”

The lion looked up and got the Backpacking Princess’ lightweight cooking pot in his face. He rolled over to claw at her which allowed the prince to draw his bushcraft sword and chop the creature’s head off.

Then they continued on their trip and lived happily ever after.

The moral of this story is, when you are hiking in Faerie Land, always bring at least one cast iron pot.

 

Smart?

SmarthorseWe went to the park this morning. In between spinning my siblings I sat on the spring horse. My knees almost came up to my ears. I started thinking about the “SMART” cars I have been seeing a lot of lately.

So I was wondering; Is this what driving a Smart car feels like?